I will be offended if you don’t like this

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Before Thailand I lived in Shutesbury, Massachusetts. For those of you unfamiliar with the town let me paint a picture. There is no cell phone service, no internet, and the only weather stations on t.v. inform me about what is going on in California. I will never forget last summer showing up at my friends house ready to burst with the shocking news that Amy Winehouse had died, she just laughed. I thought it was an inappropriate response, until I learned Amy Winehouse had already been dead for a week. She asked where the hell I had been, I told her Shutesbury.

So I left and ventured to a new life filled with constant adventure… and a serious lack of a social life. I have friends, don’t get me wrong, and we have fun, but that world exists on the weekend. During the week, I’m embarrassed to say, my best friend has become Facebook. It started as a healthy way of staying connected to friends from home and the world outside Thabo. It has become an addiction. Originally I was in denial, but then I realized the warning signs were too glaring to avoid, I have a gnarly unhealthy obsession. So I’m ready to share and maybe help you realize a thing or two about your own habits in the process.

12 signs that it’s time for you and Facebook to sit down and have a serious chat about your future together:

1. You use it to notify people that you are having a rough day. I did this recently. Thats when I knew I had a problem.

2. You’ve experimented with changing your profile picture at different times of the day to see if it will get you more likes or affect who likes it.

3. You have consciously decided to turn off chat so other people will think you are doing something better with your life.

4.You actually feel butterflies as you wait patiently for your messages to load. You find yourself getting giddy with the anticipation of discovering who wrote to you.

5. While listening to songs you find yourself translating the lyrics into status updates, trying to find the perfect verse that will allude to but not reveal how you are feeling.

6. You become a liking whore. You like your own statuses, you like things when the person posting them is sitting right next to you, you give Target a like. Who doesn’t love Target? Do you really need to make a public declaration about this.

6. You get mad when people you don’t really like show up in your top friends box. What will people think?

7. Notifications make you happier than hugs.

8. You actually utter the words out loud, “oh, put that on my Facebook.” Why? You already saw it, you already laughed, and you know the only people who will even care are the ones who- shocker-you are experiencing it with right now.

9. You stalk yourself, and then when that gets old, you stalk yourself again from someone else’s page.

10. You create a second Facebook page. (Actually here’s a great tip for those of you not ready to ditch the addiction. Create a page and friend people in Thailand, on a typical day I get around 65 notifications, yupp they’re just as ‘like’ happy as me and you).

11. You resent people who saw your message but didn’t respond. You go so far as to analyze why they would do that to you.

12. The title of this blog post makes you nervous, because even after reading it you are not sure if you are willing to commit to giving it a like. You’re not sure if you want me to know you read it. You’re not sure if others will think that your like means that you are also admitting to having no social life. You are worried that you liked the blog I posted yesterday and it might be too much to like this one too. Yes you have a problem.

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