Lesson #13: My little dumpling, it’s time to ditch the waffles

Me and my friend have a term for some men that come into our lives. We call them waffles. Waffles are: uncommunicative, self-absorbed, confusing, manipulative… in short the kind of man that you don’t want to let into your life.

Your friends can spot a waffle from ten miles away. They can smell him coming. I have watched many a friend lose their grasp on reality as they struggle to hold on to the wrong guy. I have tried my best to nod along as they drone on analyzing the punctuation choices that he made in his most recent text. I have given them hugs of reassurance that one day they will meet someone who recognizes what an amazing person they are and treats them as such. Yes, I have recited all the self-help pep talks that a good friend is suppose to, over and over and over again.

And then I have also been the girl on the other side of the equation. As much as i hate to admit it. Holding on to someone who isn’t good news, like stripes clinging to a tiger.  Remembering every brilliant word of advice I have so easily dished out but unable to actually act on any of it. I have held on to meaningless generic comments that are about as sentimental as getting poked on Facebook. I have rehashed the same conversation so many times that I forget if it actually happened to me or if it was a video I watched on youtube. I have physically indulged in waffles when I knew I shouldn’t have. I have spent sleepless nights scheming up the perfect way to prove to them once an for all that they should care about me.

So why do we hold on? When it comes to others we are wonderful at giving sensical, straight forward advice, that is first and foremost concerned with self preservation. However, when it comes to actually following our own advice, well that’s a different story. Why you ask? Why do we so often know what to do but fail to actually do it? Good question.

The truth is I am not quite sure. Only you know yourself well enough to honestly answer that question. Honestly. That’s the hard part, but once you do my guess is you will realize it has a lot more to do with you than it ever had to do with him. Yes he’s acting shitty, but you have to own the fact that you are the one putting up with it. Maybe you are dangerously stubborn, maybe you believe you have the power to change someone else, maybe you’re bored and uninspired, maybe you believe that how he is treating you is all you actually deserve, maybe you think you can mend another relationship by mending this one. Whatever the reason, own it. Recognize it. Deal with it. Then stop putting up with their bullshit. And move on to someone better.

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